This little treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) I did not object to the object.
9) They were too close to the door to close it.
10. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
11) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
12) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
13) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
There is no egg in eggplant; nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t
groce and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you
can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible.
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling
it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.